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UNDERSTAND ABUSE

How to Support a Survivor

This page offers vital resources and guidance for friends and family members supporting a loved one experiencing domestic abuse. Discover practical advice on empathetic communication, recognizing signs of abuse, and accessing local services to empower you to be a strong ally.
Conversation Guide

Survivor Support Starts with a Safe Conversation

Creating a safe and supportive dialogue is essential for helping your loved one who is experiencing domestic abuse. This involves fostering an environment where they feel comfortable sharing their feelings and experiences without fear of judgment. By actively listening and validating their emotions, you can help them feel heard and understood, laying the groundwork for their healing process. Your compassionate approach can make a significant difference in their journey toward safety and empowerment.
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How to Help a Someone You Know Experiencing Abuse

It takes courage for a survivor of domestic violence to share their story. Never underestimate your power to affect the course of a survivor’s healing journey. Here are some tools – words, actions and resources – that can help you support someone who shares personal experiences with you.

You don’t have to be an expert – you just have to be yourself.  If someone shares their experience with you, you’re probably a person they look to for support, compassion, and guidance. Although you can’t take away what happened to someone, you can be a source of comfort.

National DV Hotline

Actions you can take to help someone you know:

  1. Listen Actively: Create a safe space for them to share their feelings and experiences without interruption or judgment.
  2. Believe Them: Validate their experiences by believing what they say and acknowledging their feelings.
  3. Express Concern: Let them know that you care about their well-being and safety.
  4. Educate Yourself: Learn about domestic abuse, its dynamics, and the resources available to survivors.
  5. Encourage Professional Help: Suggest that they seek support from professionals, such as counselors or domestic violence advocates.
  6. Provide Resources: Offer information about local shelters, hotlines, and specialized domestic violence programs that can provide assistance.
  7. Help Create a Safety Plan: Work with them to develop a safety plan that includes emergency contacts, safe places to go, and important documents to gather.
  8. Avoid Judgment: Refrain from criticizing their decisions or urging them to leave the relationship, as this can increase feelings of shame and isolation.
  1. Offer Practical Support: Assist with daily tasks, such as childcare, transportation, or running errands, to help alleviate stress.
  2. Stay Connected: Regularly check in on them, showing that you are there for them and that they are not alone.
  3. Respect Their Choices: Understand that leaving an abusive situation is a personal decision, and respect their timeline and choices.
  4. Maintain Confidentiality: Keep their situation private to build trust and ensure they feel safe confiding in you.
  5. Help Find Shelter: If they decide to leave, assist them in locating a safe place or shelter where they can stay.
  6. Encourage Empowerment: Support their independence and decision-making, empowering them to regain control over their life.
  7. Know Emergency Contacts: Familiarize yourself with local resources, hotlines, and emergency contacts in case immediate help is needed.
STORIOS OF MARIN ABUSED WOMEN'S SERVICES

Watch “Stories of Marin Abused Women’s Services” – a short documentary of real people impacted by domestic violence. Hear about their healing, triumph, and rebuilding through this compelling and unique style of storytelling.

More Stories of Survival
UNDERSTAND ABUSE

Scenarios & Advice

Domestic violence is a complicated issue, and a person’s safety is paramount. Before you act on any of these scenarios, always remember to first keep yourself safe.

If you have any questions, our advocates are ready and available to coach you through any scenario.

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Actions you can take if you hear abuse next door or witness it.

If you are aware that the abusive partner has a history of violence, is aggressive, or you have any other concerns for your well-being – do not intervene. You always have the option of making an anonymous 911 call.

Other things you might consider doing:

  1. Speak with the person you believe is at risk, in person, the next day. You might greet that person with a question like, “Hey, I heard some noises that concerned me last night. Are you okay?”
    1. Be sure to approach the person in a safe, private space, listen to them carefully and believe what they have to say.
    2. Never blame the person or ask what they did to “provoke” their partner.
    3. Let them know the abuse isn’t their fault, and that they deserve support.
    4. You might give them C4DP’s contact information. 
24-Hour Hotline 415.924.6616
  2. If you are ever concerned for the individual’s immediate safety (or your own), you do have the right to contact the police. You can request a wellness check, anonymously.
  3. If the survivor decides to press charges against the abusive partner, your statement can be one way to help them document what they’ve experienced.
  1. Call the police.
  2. If you are in a place of business, approach the manager, notify them of the situation, and ask them to call the police.
  3. You can use your phone to video record the abuse so there is documentation available from a third-party witness to provide to authorities as evidence.
  4. If others are around, and you think it is safe to do so, do something radical – like shout “STOP,” “WE SEE YOU,” “NO VIOLENCE!”
  1. Confront them privately, or if it’s okay to do so, say something in the moment to interrupt the behavior, such as:
    1. “I was uncomfortable in the way you were talking to (name)… It seemed like you were making them feel uncomfortable. Were you aware this was happening?”
    2. “Hey, let’s stop for a moment. I’m feeling uncomfortable with what is happening here. I want to make sure everyone here at this gathering is treated with respect and is comfortable, so let’s change it up.”
    3. In addition to the above, if there is an opportunity, share with them available resource information, such as the ManKind program. 
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  2. Check in with their partner, and ask if they are okay.

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